3 Things I Hate, Vol. 1: Bands/Singers

The following is the first installment in a series of blogs entitled "3 Things I Hate." This inaugural entry focuses on the three bands or singers that I despise the most. In general, I'm really not that picky about the music I listen to (come on, my favorite band is blink-182), but these three examples really get me fired up. Here's the hate:

3. Atmosphere
Atmosphere is a hip-hop group that has apparently been around since 1993. I have just recently heard of them because their song “You” has been getting pretty frequent play on alternative radio. Atmosphere falls into a genre of music that I have dubbed “Alterna-Rap,” a hybrid of alternative rock and rap that rarely produces anything worth listening to.

See Also: The Flobots
See Also: Shwayze

The single “You” stands out to me as pure crap, in particular, because of its lame, monotonous beat and asinine lyrics. Atmosphere’s rapper, Slug, sings about life as a waitress who is treated poorly by customers and hardly makes enough money to get by. These lyrics would be fine, had they been sung by a woman who lived her life as a waitress and hardly made enough money to get by, but, since they are being sung by a 35 year old musician who hasn’t had a real job in over ten years, they are completely ridiculous.

The fact that Atmosphere’s newest record, When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold, (I’m not making this up, that’s really the title of their album. See now why I hate them so much?) debuted at number five in its first week of release, selling over 36,000 copies, has left me with no choice but to lose all faith in humanity.

2. Amy Winehouse
When is this bitch going to do us all a favor and just die? Amy Winehouse became famous a couple of years ago when her album Back to Black, earned critical praise, sold over nine million copies and won multiple Grammy Awards. While I’m not a fan of her music (it’s just not my thing), I can almost understand why people like it. It’s somewhat original, and her voice isn’t terrible. The reason Winehouse makes this list has little to do with the quality of her music, and a lot to do with the fact that she is a pathetic excuse for a human being.

I would usually love the irony of her entering rehab as her song “Rehab” (which contains the lyrics “They tried to make be go to rehab, but I said, ‘No, no, no’”) was topping the charts, but I am too sick and tired of hearing about her smoking crack, beating people up and whining about her jailed husband, to appreciate it. She causes all kinds of problems for herself, yet expects people to feel sorry for her. I’m sorry, but anybody who gets diagnosed with emphysema and continues to smoke rock doesn’t deserve to live, let alone be applauded by millions of fans, record executives and music critics. As lame as it is, kids do look up to celebrities as role models, and giving Amy Winehouse the level of exposure she receives is irresponsible. Shame on you, Rolling Stone!

1. The White Stripes
I used to think the problem with The White Stripes was their lack of a bassist, but Jack White’s side-project, The Raconteurs, has proved otherwise. It has since occurred to me that the problem with The White Stripes is not their lack of a bassist, but their lack of talent.

Meg White plays the drums like she’s mentally disabled, with no apparent goal but to produce some kind of sound, she’s not picky about what that sound is. But even her random pounding isn’t the big problem with this band. The big problem is front man Jack White.

Jack White’s singing sounds like a four-year-old girl throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of a toy-store. His shrill voice and choppy singing literally make me angry every time I hear a White Stripes song. The worst part about White is that people will defend him rigorously. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this phrase uttered: “Say what you want about his band, but you’ve got to admit Jack White is a great guitarist.” To anyone who believes this, kill yourself. You clearly do not have enough intelligence to provide anything useful to society; we’re better off without you. Jack White is a mediocre guitarist at best. Sure, he can play, but compared to other talent out there, he’s nothing.

Despite how strongly I dislike the band itself, the real reason why The White Stripes tops this list is their fame and acclaim (Yay, rhyme!). I can deal with bad music, but bad, yet immeasurably successful music makes me want to vomit. Though each record they release is a larger, stinkier pile of shit than the last, The White Stripes' last three albums have each received the Grammy Award for Best Alternative Music Album. Is the American music industry really that big of a joke? Sadly, I think so.

Computers Suck, but Not Having Them is Worse.

Today at work, one of the company's computer servers crashed...and so did it's backup. This crash left the entire company without the ability to access their hard drives or print anything. Since my job is to type up orders and print them, I could not perform my job duties.

So far, there is nothing fascinating about this story. But wait, there's more...

I ask my boss what I should do in light of the situation, and she thinks it would probably be best for me to just go home early.

Score!

She checks with her boss, the owner of the company, to make sure it's okay, and is informed that we have some urgent orders that need to be typed and printed immediately. Given that this is impossible through conventional methods, she had to come up with a less orthodox way for me to do accomplish this task.

Here comes the kicker...

She pulls out a typewriter. Yes, a typewriter. Like they used back in the old-timey days. I was forced to spend the last two hours of my day trying to do my job with a prehistoric chunk of metal.

Kill me now.

Movie Review: The Dark Knight (5/5 Stars)

During a summer that has provided disappointment after disappointment (examples include Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and Hancock), The Dark Knight finally delivers what audiences have been waiting for: a big-budget blockbuster packed with action, but also complimented by a strong script and unmatched performances by a stellar ensemble cast.

About a year after battling The Scarecrow and Ra’s Al Guhl in Batman Begins, Batman (Christian Bale) is now a regular on the Gotham City crime-fighting circuit. Although his vigilante antics are technically illegal, Batman maintains a distant but favorable relationship with lieutenant Gordon (Gary Oldman) of the city’s police department and Gotham’s new District Attorney, Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart). Just as the trio seems to be succeeding at cleaning up the city’s streets, they are rattled by the arrival of a new villain, The Joker (Heath Ledger).

The Dark Knight is an automatic improvement on Batman Begins simply because it doesn’t require any back-story. Batman Begins delved deep into the character of Bruce Wayne, successfully explaining his motive for becoming the Caped Crusader. Thanks to this profound character-study in the first film, we already know who Batman is and we are able to jump right into what Batman does. And whom he does it to…

Although this is the newest Batman movie, the film’s focus is not always on the Dark Knight mentioned in the title. Instead, we also become intimately familiar with the story’s villain. Heath Ledger brings the Joker to the screen in a way that no other actor could have even dreamed of. Ledger’s transformation into the Joker is one of the most disturbing Hollywood has ever seen. What makes the Joker scary isn’t his creepy laugh, his hastily applied makeup, or even his heinous deeds. What makes him truly frightening is his love for chaos. He has no motive or greater purpose for the havoc he wreaks, he simply gets off on the panic it generates. The Joker is able to corrupt the purest of souls, and even further corrupt the darkest…and Batman is no exception.

Batman’s struggle to stay morally unadulterated is the true conflict. As big as the fight between Batman and The Joker may grow, it never overtakes the struggle within Batman himself. When our hero is forced to question why he does what he does, and whether or not it’s worth doing, the true brilliance of the Batman story emerges. So, while it may seem like the movie is more about the Joker than Batman, it’s really about the Joker’s effect on Batman.

While most superhero movies are about the action and special effects, The Dark Knight is focused on character development. As a general rule, great films have great characters that audiences can empathize with. If a viewer is able to connect on a deep level with a character in a movie, he will connect with the movie itself. What makes The Dark Knight great is the fact that anybody can find that connection with one or more of the characters. Simply put, The Dark Knight is this year’s best film.

Are You Gay?

I found this on Digg. Definitely one of the funniest things I've read in a while.

http://www.wikiupload.com/images/gay.php

A Day at the Movies

I saw The Dark Knight for the second time today, and it's just as good the second time as it was the first! God, I love that movie. If you haven't already, go check it out. I promise it will be worth your time and money. After spending some time with Batman, I saw the midnight showing of Will Farrell's new movie, Step Brothers. It's nothing brilliant, but it is pretty funny. Will Farrell fans should be pleased.

The new According2Mike.com

So, as you might notice, my first attempt at a website went terribly. Apparently I'm not as technologically inclined as I thought I was, so coding didn't go well and the site looked terrible. I spent so much time trying to make the stupid thing work, I didn't get any content published.

That brings us here, to a basic blog where I can publish all the same content and let someone else deal with the techno-crap.

Cheers!