3 Things I Hate, Vol. 3: On the Road

Recently, I have discovered that one in every one driver-that-isn't-me is a complete idiot. I know this can't possibly be the case, but it feels like I am the only person in the entire state of California that knows what's supposed to happen on the road. The thing is, I'm not even that good of a driver, it's just that everyone else sucks even harder. While lots of things get me all hot-and-bothered on my drive to and from work each day, I've picked three to bitch about. Here's the hate:

3. Lights which display a "No Right Turn on Red" placard.
In California, drivers are permitted to make a right turn at a red light, so long as the road is clear and it is safe to do so. Yet, it seems there are more and more intersections popping up where such an act is forbidden. This seems pointless to me. It appears that these restrictions are found at intersections with abnormally heavy traffic, which would make such turns difficult to achieve. Yet, the law states that one can only make the turn if the way is clear! So, if traffic is so damn thick, the road won't be clear, and people cannot legally make the turn. The "No Right Turn on Red" order is redundant! Please, let me just turn instead of waiting for the stupid light to change, especially when there are no other cars to be seen.

2. Stupid Vehicle Adornments
While waiting for this God-forsaken light to flash green so I can turn right, the last thing I want to do is stare at the back of a car with 50 stickers attached to it. It's fine to express an opinion or two, but make sure to keep it concise and pertinent. I don't need to know how many people are in your family via stick-figure and I sure as hell don't care that you still hope to elect John Kerry to the Presidency. If your bumper sticker is no longer relevant, or champions a cause nobody cares about (that one's for you, Peta), take it the fuck off. Also, nobody thinks you are funny because you have affixed a pair of metal testicles to your trailer-hitch.

1. Slow Merger Guy
There is a growing demographic on the road comprised of people who think it is appropriate to merge onto the freeway traveling at 30 miles per hour. These douchebags have decided that it's a good idea to force everyone in the next lane to slam on their breaks to avoid plowing into the back of their damned Toyota Celica. There is no reason not to be travelling at the speed limit by the time the on-ramp ends. The ramp is specifically designed to give you enough time to achieve the proper velocity, so use the space! Oh, and once your on the freeway, if you don't plan on travelling faster than the cars in the lane directly to the right of you, GET YOUR ASS IN THAT LANE AND LET ME PASS YOU!

The 10 Best Films of 2008

Later today, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences will hand out their awards for achievement in film-making for movies made in 2008. Before The Academy tells us what they thought was the best film of last year, I'm going to tell you what I thought were the ten best.

10. Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist
9. Slumdog Millionaire
8. The Visitor
7. Revolutionary Road
6. The Dark Knight
5. Doubt
4. Frost/Nixon
3. Gran Torino
2. Milk

...and the best film of 2008 is...

1. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

10 Cover Songs You Must Download, NOW!

I love cover songs. They're fun in their unpredictability. Most are destined not to do the original justice, and most of the good ones are only enjoyable through their humor. Yet, occasionally, someone will come around and record a cover of a song that blows the original out of the water.

Here are my ten favorite. Some are fun, others more serious, and a few are undeniable classics.

10. "Anything, Anything" by Lucky Boys Confusion (covering Dramarama)

9. "Wonderwall" by Ryan Adams (covering Oasis)

8. "Landslide" by The Smashing Pumpkins (covering Fleetwood Mac)

7. "Pony" by Far (covering Ginuwine)

6. "The Boys of Summer" by The Ataris (covering Don Henley)

5. "How I Could Just Kill A Man" by Rage Against the Machine (covering Cypress Hill)

4. "Boyz-n-the-Hood" by Dynamite Hack (covering Easy E)

3. "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" by Guns N' Roses (covering Bob Dylan)

2. "I Fought the Law" by The Clash (covering Sonny Curtis and The Crickets)

1. "Hurt" by Johnny Cash (covering Nine Inch Nails)


Did I leave any of your favorites out?

No More "Awesomest Story" Every Week

Hey guys, I've decided to discontinue my weekly series, "The Most Awsomest News Story for the Week of...". I'm stopping for a few reasons, the first being that there isn't always a great story to share every week, so I found myself settling on something mildly interesting. Second, I don't think anyone read it anyways. If you did, you should've left comments so I'd know. Shame on you. My last reason is that I found being so structured boring. I didn't like having to do the same thing every week.

Instead I'm going to bring you more random rants and raves, more installments of "3 Things I Hate," and some Top 10 lists, which are my favorite to write anyway.

Keep reading, and please start leaving comments.

My Picks and Predictions for the 81st Anuual Academy Awards

It's that time of the year again everybody! This year, I made sure to see every nominated film (with the exception of the foreign films, documentaries and shorts) before I made these predictions. So for every major category I've picked who I think the winner will be, who I think deserves to win and who should have been nominated but was unjustly snubbed. I'll also take a stab at guessing the obscure categories as well. So without further delay, here are my Academy Awards predictions:


Best Picture

• Will Win: Slumdog Millionaire
• Deserves to Win: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Deserved a Nomination: Gran Torino

Best Director

• Will Win: Danny Boyle, Slimdog Millionaire
• Deserves to Win: David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Deserved a Nomination: Christopher Nolan, The Dark Knight

Best Actress

• Will Win: Kate Winslet, The Reader
• Deserves to Win: Kate Winslet, The Reader
• Deserved a Nomination: Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road, but since the same actor cannot be nominated twice in a single category, I'll say Cate Blanchett, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
  

Best Actor

• Will Win: Sean Penn, Milk
• Deserves to Win: Sean Penn, Milk
• Deserved a Nomination: Leonardo DiCaprio, Revolutionary Road
  

Best Supporting Actress

• Will Win: Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
• Deserves to Win: Amy Addams, Doubt
• Deserved a Nomination: I don't really have any problems with this category.

Best Supporting Actor

• Will Win: Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
• Deserves to Win: Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
• Deserved a Nomination: James Franco, Milk

Best Adapted Screenplay

• Will Win: Slumdog Millionaire
• Deserves to Win: Frost/Nixon
• Deserved a Nomination: Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist

Best Original Screenplay

• Will Win: Milk
• Deserves to Win: Milk
• Deserved a Nomination: Vicky Cristina Barcelona
  

The Rest (Predictions Only)

• Animated Feature: Wall-E
• Art Direction: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Cinematography: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Costume Design: The Dutchess
• Documentary Feature: Man on Wire
• Documentary Short: The Witness: From the Balcony of Room 306
• Film Editing: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Foreign Language Film: Waltz with Bashir
• Makeup: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Original Score: Slumdog Millionaire
• Original Song: "Down to Earth" from Wall-E
• Short Film, Animated: Presto
• Short Film, Live Action: Spielzugland (Toyland)
• Sound Editing: The Dark Knight
• Sound Mixing: The Dark Knight
• Visual Effects: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

The Most Awesomest News Story for the Week of Jan 25-31, 2009

On Saturday, a picture surfaced on the web of Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps smoking what is assumed to be marijuana out of a bong.

No, this isn't actually what I thought was the best story of the week. Honestly, I think it's boring and kind of a non-story. The guy's 23, has more money than he knows what to do with and clearly has an issue with discretion. He parties. So what? His biggest mistake was allowing someone to take a picture with him.

The only reason I even bother mentioning this is because I find the media coverage of this hilarious. The stretches people make in trying to make this into more than what it is are not only baffling, but concerning. Sorry, big media, but no, this does not call into question the validity of his gold medals.

This may be a shock, but weed does not enhance athletic performance. Actually, if Phelps was smoking week while training for the Olympics, his winning 8 gold medals is even more impressive.

I think my favorite quotation regarding this story comes from The View's Elisabeth Hasselbeck. This genius went as far as to ask, "[if he is willing to] take a drug that could impede his performance, would he be open to taking a drug that would enhance his performance?"

Sorry if this one bored you, but (as evidenced by the extensive coverage of this story) it was a slow news week.

Good 'ol Phelpsy tokin' up: Picture
Dumb bitch on The View talking about it: Video

I Think I May Have Been Wrong About Something

On Thursday, I said that I thought The Curious Case of Benjamin Button would beat out Slumdog Millionaire for Best Picture at the Oscars. I figured that even though Slumdog Millionaire had won the award at the Critics Choice Awards and the Golden Globes, the Academy Awards are given out by people from all facets of filmmaking (actors, directors, producers, editors, technical crew, etc.) so they would be more apt to recognize how well The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is made.

However two events over the weekend have begun to make me believe otherwise.

First, on Saturday, the Producers Guild of America gave Slumdog its top honors. This still wasn't enough to convince me, because I think film producers probably appreciated what Slumdog was able to accomplish on its limited budget, compared to the $150 million that Button had to work with.

But, on Sunday, my dreams were shattered when the Screen Actors Guild gave the Best Ensemble Cast award to Slumdog Millionaire. This movie should not even have been NOMINATED in this category. It is a great movie (though I don't think the single greatest of the year), but not due to great acting. Some of the actors in this movie were just plain bad.

This continual blind worship for this movie has nearly convinced me that Slumdog will take home the top Oscar.

This makes me sad.

Check back soon for my complete list of Oscar predictions and my top 10 films of 2008.

The Most Awesomest News Story for the Week of Jan 18-24, 2009

73-year-old lawyer, Peter Buchanan, was in court this week defending some hilarious charges.

Buchanan was arrested last month after striking a CalTrans road worker with his Mercedes. It appears that when the route to his favorite restaurant was blocked for construction, Peter decided that the roadblock didn't pertain to him. He drove through the baricade and hit one of the men working on the road.

After being hit, the CalTrans worker jumped up onto the hood of Buchanan's car to avoid being run over. Buchanan continued on his way without even slowing. He traveled, with the roadworker on the hood of his car, all the way to his freeway exit, where he was met with a road block.

This story is my pick for this week's most awesome simply because I think it would be hilarious to see a car cruising down the freeway with someone clinging to the hood. I know, I'm sick.

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The Oscar Nominees Were Announced This Morning!

This morning was the precursor to my favorite night of the year. Today, at 5:30am PST, the Academy Award Nominations for films released in 2008 were announced, and there were definitely some surprises. Here are some of my initial reactions:

• Most importantly, I'd like to be among the first to say that Slumdog Millionaire will not win "Best Picture" this year. Despite already winning "Best Picture" honors at The Golden Globes, Critics Choice Awards and from The National Board of Review, I think, in the case of Oscar, that award is probably going to go to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I say this not because Button received the more total nominations than Millionaire, but because it is the better film. I think The Academy will recognize this.

• Also, I'd like to congratulate The Academy for knowing the difference between a leading role and a supporting role. Unlike at The Golden Globes, Kate Winslet's performance in The Reader is nominated in the "Lead Actress" category rather than the "Supporting Actress" category. Since Winslet's character in is the only major female role in The Reader and she receives more screen time than any other actor, this clearly is not a supporting role.
  

• Next, I'd like to comment on the five nominees for "Best Picture." Slumdog Millionaire and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button were obvious choices. I don't think anyone is surprised by their inclusion. Frost/Nixon is another film that I think most people predicted would receive this nomination. I, personally, am glad The Academy didn't make the same mistake as the Hollywood Foreign Press (Golden Globes) and look over Milk, another much-deserved nomination. The only big shocker in this category is the absence of The Dark Knight, an absence that I couldn't agree with more. While it was a great film, I just don't feel like DK was "Best Picture" material. I haven't seen The Reader yet, so I'll reserve judgment regarding its nomination. However, I feel like Gran Torino was a bit ripped off here.

• Speaking of Gran Torino, not only did this film get snubbed in the "Best Picture" category, but in every single other category as well. This film's lack of a single nomination is, in my opinion, the biggest shocker of this year's nods.

I have a handful of films left to see before the Awards are given out on February 22. In the coming weeks I will finish watching all of the major nominated films and I'll post a complete list of my picks and predictions for each award, along with my list of the Top 10 films of 2008.

The complete list of nominations for the 81st Annual Academy Awards can be found here.

The Most Awesomest News Story for the Week of Jan 11-17, 2008

Warning: This one is kind of yucky.

We all know that childbirth is incredibly painful. Most women describe giving birth as the most painful thing one will ever experience in her life. Given the physics involved in birthing a child, I tend to believe these women.

On Tuesday, my world was officially rocked when I learned that, for some women, childbirth isn't painful at all. I'm not talking about the girls who get copious amounts of pain medicine and simply feel nothing from the waist down. I'm talking about the real deal, natural childbirth.

As it turns out, there are certain individuals who find giving birth rather enjoyable. They actually like the feeling of passing an entire human through their vagina. They like it so much, in fact, that they have orgasms.

Told you it was yucky.

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3 Things I Hate, Vol. 2: Grammar Mistakes

Finally, I bring you the second installment of the "3 Things I Hate" series (5 months between posts isn't too bad, is it?). As some of you may know, I like proper grammar. I don't claim to be perfect, but I am that douche bag who will correct your grammar when you're speaking or writing. I know it's a bad habit, but so is mauling the English language, you illiterate dirtbags. So, at the risk of seeming like a snobbish prick, here's the hate:

3. Affect/Effect
This rule isn't that difficult, yet I see it violated all the time in emails and websites, and it drives me up a fucking wall.

Affect is a verb. Effect is a noun. That's it.

Examples:
a) The movie's sad ending affected me emotionally.
b) The movie's sad ending had an emotional effect on me.

See how that works? Good. Now use it!

2. Accept/Except
This mistake has come to my attention recently, because it is made consistently in memos and documents at the company where I work. This is a business, people, is it so much to ask for some proper grammar every once in a while?

Accept means to receive. Except means aside from.

Examples:
a) The actor accepted his award at the gala.
b) All of the nominated actors, except one, attended the awards gala.

Do you see, now, why I get so frustrated? These rules are so simple, and proper implementation will save me from having an aneurysm.

1. "Change we can believe in"
As I'm sure all of you know, "Change we can believe in" was Barack Obama's campaign slogan during his 2008 Presidential run. What you may not know, is that this slogan is grammatically incorrect.

You cannot end a sentence with a preposition! We do it in conversation, and I've probably even done it in this blog once or twice, but making that kind of an error on every written material used to promote a Presidential campaign is a bit ridiculous. This guy wants to be the leader of the free world, but he can't construct a proper sentence (please, spare me any comments regarding Bush's grammar, I know he's no Joseph Pulitzer either).

I know this isn't quite as catchy, but the slogan should have been "Change in which we can believe."

Lucky for Obama, American voters aren't geniuses and he still got elected.

Hey Barack, tell me more about your plans for education reform!

The Most Awesomest News Story for the Week of Jan 4-10, 2008

When a 6-year-old boy from Virginia missed the bus that takes him to school on Monday morning, he knew he had to find another way to get to school. After all, he couldn't be late or he'd miss breakfast and P.E. class. Like any good son would do, he didn't wake his parents and burden them with his predicament. Instead, he just took their car keys and drove himself...or at least he tried.

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The Most Awesomest News Story for the Week of Dec 28, 2008-Jan 3, 2009

On New Year's Eve, a 17-year-old girl from North Dakota called 911 to report a drunk driver. The police weren't surprised that there were drunk drivers on the road that night; it was New Year's after all. What did surprise them, however, was that the alleged drunk driver was the girl who called them.
In case you missed that: She called the police to tell them that she, herself, was driving under the influence. Genius.

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