3 Things I Hate, Vol. 3: On the Road

Recently, I have discovered that one in every one driver-that-isn't-me is a complete idiot. I know this can't possibly be the case, but it feels like I am the only person in the entire state of California that knows what's supposed to happen on the road. The thing is, I'm not even that good of a driver, it's just that everyone else sucks even harder. While lots of things get me all hot-and-bothered on my drive to and from work each day, I've picked three to bitch about. Here's the hate:

3. Lights which display a "No Right Turn on Red" placard.
In California, drivers are permitted to make a right turn at a red light, so long as the road is clear and it is safe to do so. Yet, it seems there are more and more intersections popping up where such an act is forbidden. This seems pointless to me. It appears that these restrictions are found at intersections with abnormally heavy traffic, which would make such turns difficult to achieve. Yet, the law states that one can only make the turn if the way is clear! So, if traffic is so damn thick, the road won't be clear, and people cannot legally make the turn. The "No Right Turn on Red" order is redundant! Please, let me just turn instead of waiting for the stupid light to change, especially when there are no other cars to be seen.

2. Stupid Vehicle Adornments
While waiting for this God-forsaken light to flash green so I can turn right, the last thing I want to do is stare at the back of a car with 50 stickers attached to it. It's fine to express an opinion or two, but make sure to keep it concise and pertinent. I don't need to know how many people are in your family via stick-figure and I sure as hell don't care that you still hope to elect John Kerry to the Presidency. If your bumper sticker is no longer relevant, or champions a cause nobody cares about (that one's for you, Peta), take it the fuck off. Also, nobody thinks you are funny because you have affixed a pair of metal testicles to your trailer-hitch.

1. Slow Merger Guy
There is a growing demographic on the road comprised of people who think it is appropriate to merge onto the freeway traveling at 30 miles per hour. These douchebags have decided that it's a good idea to force everyone in the next lane to slam on their breaks to avoid plowing into the back of their damned Toyota Celica. There is no reason not to be travelling at the speed limit by the time the on-ramp ends. The ramp is specifically designed to give you enough time to achieve the proper velocity, so use the space! Oh, and once your on the freeway, if you don't plan on travelling faster than the cars in the lane directly to the right of you, GET YOUR ASS IN THAT LANE AND LET ME PASS YOU!